Dolph help us all!

Have you ever thought to yourself "I wonder what the movie Die Hard would be like if it was set at a rock concert?" Of course you haven’t. Nobody has. Actually that’s not entirely true. One man has. His name I hear you [not] ask? Lundgren. Dolph…Lundgren. Oh yes. And to answer your question, yes he is alive and he is STILL making movies. But I digress. Lundgren has set about directing and acting in the new *cough* feature *cough* film Command Performance. The plot is as follows: Command Performance will feature Dolph as the drummer in a band at a concert for the Russian President. A villainous gang disrupts the show however, and it's left to drummer Dolph – who also happens to be a former Marine – to rescue the President. I’m not kidding. You can’t even make that kind of crap up. Dolph even reckons he used to play drums. He said, "I used to play when I was a kid. Now I play at wrap parties after I've had a few tequila shots. It'll be fun." Is that right buddy? Fun? Well at least someone involved in this train wreck will be enjoying themselves. Fucking hell. How the fuck are you going to sleep at night after unleashing this cancerous film on the world? It’s definitely not going to be on piles of cash and hot broads. The point is this: Lundgren never actually stopped making films. He has racked up 18 films in the last ten years. That’s a 1.8 movie average per year. That’s nearly two films a year! Who the fuck does he think he is? Steven Seagal? Seagal has a solid 2.1 average for the last decade. But at least we have heard of some of his latest efforts. It’s as if Lundgren purposely chose to star in IMDB’s Top 200 Worst Films list. A quick browse on his Wikipedia page will prove that he not only never stopped making movies, but perhaps couldn’t stop? Dolph’s Filmography for the last decade… 1998 - The Minion 1998 - Sweepers 1998 - Blackjack 1999 - Bridge of Dragons 1999 - Storm Catcher 2000 - Jill Rips 2000 - The Last Patrol 2000 - Agent Red 2001 - Hidden Agenda 2003 - Detention 2004 - Direct Action 2004 - Fat Slags 2004 - Retrograde 2004 - The Defender 2005 - The Mechanik 2006 - The Inquiry (The Final Inquiry) 2007 - Diamond Dogs 2007 - Missionary Man Is there ONE film you have seen or even heard of on that list? I highly doubt it. The last Dolph Lundgren film that I have heard of was Universal Soldier. That movie was made in 1992 and starred one of the heavyweights of the Action genre, Jean-Claude Van Damme. And to be honest, it was a great film. If my memory serves me correctly, I think Dolph was up for an Oscar that year. He may have even beaten Al Pachino [among others] for all I know. In conclusion, piss off Lundgren. You have had your day in the Sun. It was about 20 years ago and the movie was Rocky 4.