Amity tour diary part 1

Hello internet. We have just finished the first extended week of The Amity Affliction record tour and it has been the most bullshit good times you could imagine.

Day 1

Rat Boner hit the road to Brisbane late Thursday on the way to Brisbane with a brief detour to Byron Bay to pick up our party liason, Reide, from his cushy rainforest bungalow. We hightailed it to our friend Nick's joint in Brisbane and set about demolishing some rum cans and eventually made it out to the venue where we met up with all the arseholes from the other bands and proceeded to drink more. Reality TV celebrity Michael Crafter and his personal assistant Chode even turned up to the delight of all the 15 year girls. After our set, House Vs Hurricane played and had nearly every kid in the room moshing and singing along. Seriously, fuck those guys. A Secret Death melted faces and then Amity turned the room upside down, which is pretty hard considering there were about 273569827 people there. Way too many stage invasions, crowd surfers getting thrown into the roof,  Helmet, party poppers and Joel being mauled were the order of the set. Not a bad first day.

Day 2

We headed off to the Goldie, with a short stop for Cotter to grab some Euro trash sunnies, to everyone's favourite sewerage outlet, Xpressive Grounds. Good sets from everyone and more crazy shit from the crowd during House and Amity. 14 year old girls PA diving is pretty gnarly. After some good pizza, we hit the road back to Brisbane to play Thriller at Rosies. Shit was totally mental and drunken. I have nothing further to add besides the fact that Chris Dusting went to the casino and hates Wesley Snipes and Helmet was the drunkest person in the world ever. That night Brendan earned the nickname Calligraphy Dick. Awkward.

Day 3

Day off woo! Most of the dudes headed to a bbq in New Farm Park and preceded to get totally wasted and be shithouse. Par for the course really. The true party animals got high, went and ate Chinese food and watched Meshuggah.

Day 4

Another day off. Lochlan Watt joins our little team. Dreamworld is too fucking expensive so we bar it and go to Byron to hang with Team Afends. Kelly tried to do a shit in the surf and Calligraphy Dick definitely bodysurfed with a longneck. Between Reide's sister hitting on Kent, Lochlan eating shit soup, bongs and Mario Kart 64 today was a good day.

Day 5

After an early swim we roll out to Coffs Harbour and learn a valuable lesson. Being on time for load in doesnt mean shit if the other bands dont show until doors. Fucks. Tonights show is fun and van party is in full effect, regardless of the tropical storm trying to flood the North Coast. Chris2 becomes Poodz after nature fucks up his hair. Sucked in. After the show, everyone goes to McDonald's which has closed bar the drive thru. 25 drunk deadshits lined up in a drive thru telling cars to fuck off was an interesting sight. More weed, more sleep.

Day 6

Roll to Taree with a case in the House mobile. The show is in a skate rink and is pretty good, dudes actually circle pit to our band - THAT SHIT NEVER HAPPENS! (more circle pits please.) Surprisingly, we are actually selling merch and not all going broke buying petrol so Team Rat Boner is stoked. There is only 1 straight edge kid in Taree and i saw an old woman wearing a Ceremony shirt. Cool. We find the last open bottle-o in town and hole up at Amity's hotel watching Battlefield Earth and being dead shits. 

Day 7

We drive to Wyong early so Lou can get tattooed so the rest of us hit the beach with House. Riz and Joey pussy out of jumping off rocks at the beach so to make up for it Joey shows everyone in Terrigal his dick while calling old women and schoolgirls fat sluts. What a guy. After rolling down a giant hill and Calligraphy Dick hurting himself we go to the venue and sit around drinking and meet an old dude named Muscles who sings so much Metallica, ASD decide to cover Enter Sandman with him during their set. Unfortunately, security wont let Muscles in. Good one dickheads. Show is good and Nate, Riz and Kelly activate the pit. Members of varied bands are starting to fall deeply in love with each other. It is very scary.

Day 8

Most of Rat Boner go to work today, which was  a shithouse idea. Hit Manning  Bar, play an ok set then proceed to get retarded. House continue to kill it, fuckers. During ASD's super riff (you know the one,) every other band dude comes on stage and air guitars making for extra good times. Amity's set is bananas, with Cotter's pit clearing, thumbs up stage dive bomb being a definite highlight. Special mention to Joe ASF kneeing some chick in the head on his birthday. Most of the dudes go out and get seriously fucked up on Oxford St. Good work Dan Bombings.

Day 9

Wollongong. Todays show was in a giant venue and we dont really feel it. House aren't playing as their drummer Mikey has to go to wedding and Minge sucks. Not really. But he does have Kanye West tattoos. Luckily, van party is in full swing to make up for it. With the addition of ASD changing Amity's lyrics and Poodz being a spastic the day is saved. Dinner at a steakhouse with Mary Jane Kelly afterwards is also pretty good, with Justin from MSN making an appearance, the hot waitress getting fingered and Matt MJK serving us cokes. Thanks bitch.

Day 10

Drive to Canberra in a timewarp and somehow become super late. It's ok though as House and ASD are just as late, as we all hammer along Lake George trying not to be last. We are upset that we couldnt steal House's trailer from McDonalds but you can't win em all. The show is in a tiny hot room and is pretty good, dudes are into it. Team Canberra is there so everything is thumbs up. The others churn out good sets and Dead Kings slaughter. We bail but not before eating shitloads of garlic bread and putting a dick made of gaffa tape on House's van.

Now for next week and all the sad faces as the bromance ends :(