The Cult Of Shitnicity

Greetings flocks of poisonous monkeys and welcome to more inane drivel in a Marvely blog based format.  Let me start by quoting a wise ol’ prophet named Paul Anka.  Paul once sang a duet with a yellow girl called Lisa about how to destroy the evil monsters of advertising.  His exact words were

To stop those monsters 1-2-3,
Here's a fresh new way that's trouble-free,
It's got Paul Anka's guarantee...
Guarantee void in Tennessee.
Just don't look! Just don't look!
Just don't look! Just don't look!
Just don't look! Just don't look!

The good people of Springfield so absorbed the message of Paul’s song, that they paid no more attention to the monsters resulting in their untimely demise.  Thus proving that music still has power in the cartoon world and that Homer enjoys sprinkles.  The reason I bring this up is because in the music world, we have our own monsters.  Not that this is surprising or anything.  Obviously 99% of music is absolute rubbish made by untalented twerps in some deviously complex scheme to get laid... and that’s fine.  Everybody does everything because of ulterior motives and I’m not suggesting that the only people who make tunes should have purely artistic reasons (Partly because it would most likely be pretentious crap).  Everyone has different tastes and whatnot.   I’m just saying the problem has evolved over the years and in my opinion, a new super breed of awfulness has emerged that not only has absolutely nothing to offer but its shitness, but revels in that fact.  And the problem here is that we now reward these god awful artistic monstrosities with attention.  So just like the Lard Donut Lad they thrive and unleash horror upon the public.  I personally am talking about the Brokencydes and Millionaires of the music world (I’m sure you have your own monsters.  Please fill them in here ________).  In my teeny years I would have felt personally affected by music of such a dreadful calibre, so I have built up an impenetrable layer of crusty cynicism and don’t give the slightest of shits about bad music anymore.  Seriously...I don’t care.  Everything is rubbish to someone and as a try hard musician myself, I have not only created rubbish, but have been jealous of other rubbish creators that kick my rubbishy arse with their rubbish.  I am the worst kind of hypocrite and I’m cool with that.   All I am really interested in now is how things have changed.  Maybe it was because I was a wide eyed, fair haired optimist in my youth and I didn’t pay attention, but I don’t remember things being this way back in my day (Pass me my walking stick and big bowl of warm soup as I am officially ancient).  I don’t remember obviously shit artists being rewarded with mass amounts of attention due to their shitness alone.  I remember, vaguely, the scandal surrounding Milli Vanilli when I was a child.  People felt personally ripped off because it wasn’t their voices on the record and the only thing the guys on the album cover brought to the table was their toned godliness.  And so they fucking well should feel ripped off!  Nowadays everyone’s voice is so manipulated and pitch corrected that you might as well just bring in Stephen Hawking to do your vocals.  No one seems to care anymore.  I remember when miming was frowned upon.  Nowadays it’s completely accepted.  Without question.  Even that large buttocked lass from Destinys Child mimed at the Oscars.  And no one cared...and I’m fairly certain she can sing anyway!  Brokencyde, Millionaires, Short Stack... are shit.  Surely everybody knows this (Aside from that vast army of delusional young Short Stack lasses who worship their every bowel movement).  So the only thing they are possibly selling to the rest of us is interest at their lack of talent.  And it’s working.  Proving the old adage that any publicity, is good publicity.  These “bands” (Ooh quotation marks...I’m such a bitch) are fucking huge at the moment.  Even on this website, the reviews of the albums have 9 million more comments that any band with any actual talent.  The majority of them negative but that doesn’t seem to be affecting their careers much now do it?  Have we made that final leap into embracing things because they are shit?  And of course it’s not just the music world that’s affected by this cult of shitnicity.  How about the Hiltons and like of the world.  The only thing this breed of person can do is slut it up and produce countless, untalented, addicted to meth in the womb, offspring while we wait for another videotaped sexual escapade in green night vision.  And movies...Transformers 2 was fucking shit.  It is a film that in my supreme nerdlyness I will bitch about until I am dead.  But still people walked away from it saying things like “I mean it was shit, but if you just sit back and not care then it’s alright.  Plus Megan Fox is a woman”.  WHY WOULD I FUCKING BOTHER IF IT’S SHIT?!!  WHY WOULDN’T I JUST GO WATCH SOMETHING GOOD INSTEAD?   But we do keep watching.  We watch and listen to all of it... just like slowing down to see a car crash.  Everybody checks out a car crash, but didn’t we used to feel a little guilty about it?  Am I hopelessly naive?  Now I’m not trying to unite the masses in some sort of global “Look the other way” scheme.  I’m just saying that if you truly hate this shit then nowadays, maybe the only effective solution is to tone down your participation.  Maybe not leave an obviously negative comment on a review, maybe not blanket their MySpace’s with pictures of your genitals and maybe they will all fade into obscurity that little bit quicker.  And most importantly, never, ever, write a massive blog on the subject detailing your every grievance because if you do that then...you...are just...as guilty...as...wait...

So as I was saying...here are the chords to that Chicago classic, If You Leave Me Now.
    
C                                 Am               Em
If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me
Em              Am  D         G           C
Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, no, baby please don't go
C                                  Am                Em
And if you leave me now, you'll take away the very heart of me
                Am  D         G            C
Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, no, baby please don't go
F(add9)              Bbm                  F
A love like ours is love that's hard to find
Am            F      G      C     Bm E
How could we let it slip away?
F(add9)                Bbm            F
We've come to far to leave it all behind
Am             F     G         C
How could we end it all this way?
          Em                  Am                 Dm         Fm
When tomorrow comes and we'll both regret things we said today


Fuck Paul McDermott.

Cheers,
Marvel